**Previous Episode: [[BDE388]]** **Next Episode: [[BDE390]]** %%Post image thumbnail below.%%  > [!abstract|no-i] **Episode Overview** **Date Aired:** [[12-07-2024]] **Title:** The Roast of Ralph Avallone **Episode:** 389 **Description:** The legend (in his own mind), failed pornstar, habitual liar, and man leeching off Hurricane Helene victims is getting a roast. **Link:** https://rumble.com/v5x3sjh-big-dig-energy-389-the-roast-of-ralph-avallone.html **Tags:** %%<https://historydraft.com/happened/what-happened/1-January/world>%% ## Replay %% Get embed URL then highlight and hit ALT + I%% <iframe src="https://rumble.com/embed/v5uvavn/?pub=6eeyh" allow="fullscreen" allowfullscreen="" style="height:100%;width:100%; aspect-ratio: 16 / 9; "></iframe> <br> ## Greetings & Announcements 1. Hi! ## The Roast of Ralph Avallone Welcome to part 2 of a two part series. Tonight is the roast of Ralph Avallone. Despite being naturally funny and witty, I actually didn't really know the proper format for a roast. So, I looked one up. Here goes. ### Introduction - *Welcome the audience and introduce yourself as the Roast Master.* <center>Good evening everyone and welcome to a special edition of Big Dig Energy. I am your Roast Master, Lauren!</center> - *Briefly introduce the guest of honor and the reason for the roast.* Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we're roasting a real piece of work. Ralph Avallone here likes to pretend he's a war hero, but the closest he's ever been to combat is getting out on the second obstacle of the qualifying rounds of American Ninja Warrior. He'll tell you he got a medal from the president, but really it's just a worthless trinket from a scam political group.  You can get one on eBay for $15. And let's not forget his brief stint in the porn industry! Truly, a man of many failures, but we'll elaborate more on this in a minute.  This is the part of a roast where I'd introduce the guest of honor, but Ralph has no honor and this isn't a "redeeming qualities" kind of roast. Also... Ralph got arrest about two hours ago.  So anyways, sorry you couldn't make it from jail, Ralph. Wish you were here? ### Opening The main issue with Ralph is you can never tell when he's lying, but the odds are it's often and about anything under the sun. There may be some things that I poke fun that actually occurred, but he has completely destroyed his own credibility, and should never be considered a serious person about anything. Aside from seriously deluded and corrupt. But even the "funny lies" he tells add up to the bigger picture: Ralph has positioned himself to benefit financially from well-meaning people by setting up an opportunistic nonprofit for Hurricane Helene. He did the same thing five days after Hurricane Katrina with his Green Energy Council. This is a repeating, dangerous, and frankly evil pattern. ### Main Hurricane grift. The only thing longer than his jailtime rap sheet is his string of failed LLCs and 501c3s.    #### His Ego On February 28, 2018 (his 50th birthday), Ralph posted on his Instagram:  > So on this my birthday I contemplate this journey we all call life… > So this is what 50 looks like, a half of a century old.. To be candid my life has been…well let’s just say not according to plan. <font color="#f2f2f2">**But through all the ups and downs, the peaks and valleys; it’s been an incredible journey so far and I have been more fortunate than most and I have appreciated even the struggles because they made me who I am….a Warrior.**</font> > > <font color="#f2f2f2">**A friend once told me moments before I went into open heart surgery 14 years ago, “<u>Ralph you just cannot die, you do so much for so many people you are a warrior among normal men and they just don’t make them like you anymore</u>” and he handed me this quote by Heraclitus- “Out of every one hundred men, ten shouldn't even be there, eighty are just targets, nine are the real fighters, and we are lucky to have them, for they make the battle. Ah, but the one, one is a warrior, and he will bring the others back.” Today I have that quote tattooed on my chest. <u>A memory every morning when I look in the mirror of who I am to so many.</u>**</font> > > Being a warrior does not mean you are stronger or smarter than everyone else, you don’t have to be a soldier, a cop or a fire fighter to be one, <font color="#f2f2f2">**being a warrior means that you take an oath in a World that is going to shit to be a protector of those who cannot protect themselves**</font>, those close to giving up in defeat, those that have been hurt and broken.. Every night I wipe the blood from my armor from the day of this battle we call life and set it up for the battle of life for the next day and my head hits the pillow knowing I did everything I could that day to be a good person, a friend, a confidant, a counselor….a better human and the next day I hit the ground running…every damn day.. I try to inspire others to live a life worth living…to break free of the shackles of the mundane and live life full throttle, finally sliding into your grave with scrapes and scars and blood dripping from you and saying to the reaper in those last moments…”what a fucking ride!” <font color="#f2f2f2">**My name is Ralph Avallone, I am the Captain and whether you love me or hate me, I guarantee you will not forget me because I am a Warrior and I will bring you all back**</font>…. I'm going to let a [2-year-old comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/QuotesPorn/comments/yrmxtv/out_of_every_hundred_men_heraclitus_739x415/) on Reddit about this quote finish this part of the roast for me.  <p style="font-size:125%"><b><font color="#ffffff"> "Guys will be like 'this is like my fuckin CREED, I live by these words bro' and they're just a CrossFit guy who works in sales." </b> — SeriouslySuspect </font></p> ### Final Toast I raise a toast to his eventual downfall. May it be swift. %%Footer Starts Here%% --- ![[Brain Icon 1.png|center]] <b><font color="#ffffff"> <center>You might not have noticed it… but your brain did.</center> </font></b> --- ### Tags ### Linked Pages & Footnotes